It all began with a commercial. Take a peek at the new Fruit of the Loom “Music to My Panties” commercial that so aptly caught my attention.
Yet, the concept stuck with me. It nagged at me. It sucked me into their website, fruit.com. I am not sure if I was really looking for happiness, or just some kind of confirmation that the folks at Fruit of the Loom had not officially gone fruit-loopy on us. There I found the Start Happy Headquarters.
START HAPPY HQ – A PLACE THAT’S PROVING THE POWER OF POSITIVE UNDERWEAR AND ACTIVEWEAR. WE’RE NOT OUT TO CHANGE THE WORLD, BUT EVERY TIME YOU PUT ON CONFIDENCE, YOUR DAY GETS A LITTLE BRIGHTER. SEE FOR YOURSELF.
Could it be that I found Oz? Did the manly fruits of Fruit of the Loom somehow find their way into the utopian world of Peter Pan? OR just maybe someone at Fruit of the Loom found out Victoria’s secret and was spilling it out into the world. After all, Victoria does not promise us high spirits or positivity that lasts more than just a few minutes. Fruit of Loom is offering a full day of happiness.
"The only thing you need to be in high spirits is the all-new Fruit of the Loom Low Rise Bikini. We've reinvented them from the bottom up. Whether it's finer yarn for super-soft fabric or a plush-backed waistband that's guaranteed to never unravel, we've overhauled our underwear so you can start each day with a smile. From super-soft fabric to a perfect-fitting waistband, we've got all the softness you need." - Fruit.com Low Rise Bikini Product Description
This meant I would have to make the dreaded trek to Walmart. Ugh! My enthusiasm began to wane as I reconsidered how much happiness really meant to me. As I pondered the thought I carefully calculated the perfect moment of the day that would most likely give me the quickest in and out at Walmart. I finally decided that a full day of happiness was worth twenty minutes of Walmart time.
The next day I journeyed to Walmart and purchased the new Fruit of the Loom panties. I was once again excited about the possibility of achieving bliss by simply changing my underwear. After arriving home, I immediately removed the packaging and washed my new undies. I then waited not so patiently as they dried. I checked several times throughout the drying cycle to see if they were dry yet. I was much like a toddler about to receive my first pair of Superman underoos. The power of happiness could be a superpower.
Finally, the moment arrived! I put on my new Fruit of the Loom panties and I did indeed Start Happy. They were so super soft. As a child you rub your cheek against your soft cuddly stuffed animal to go to sleep at night. It felt like that, except this time it was just a different kind of cheek. The waistband held the panties perfectly in place without a hint of existence. The fit was so perfect that for the first time in my life I realized I have one nicely rounded butt cheek, while the other is a flat flab of fat.
It was at this moment that it occurred to me that I started happy, but would I finish happy? My biggest complaint about my past panties was that they always got in a wad. Every time I stood up I had to look both ways before picking the wedge out of my crack. The realization that my butt cheeks could have been the problem all along left me wondering if these super soft panties could manage to stay in place under imperfect conditions. I revisited the “Music to My Panties” commercial to verify that the lady in the commercial had matching butt cheeks. Based on what I observed I determined that she most definitely has butt cheeks much more even than mine. This was going to be a real challenge to the new Fruit of the Loom panties.
I began the test. I first sat on a dining table chair, and all went well. Then I remembered that my real problems come when I am seated low and I have to wiggle my way up out of my seat. Our sofa would be the real test. I sat. I moved one leg under the knee of my other leg. I then placed both legs on the sofa as I leaned against the arm. Then I even wiggled around just to give the panties a real test. Finally, I stood. To my great delight my new Fruit of the Loom panties fell perfectly into place. No tugging of my behind was necessary. Even better the waistband did not slide down the pooch of my tummy as I sat, causing me to have to pull my panties up in the front when I stood. This had to be too good to be true. Could I go throughout the rest of my day in sheer joy?
Yes! Yes, world, you can go throughout an entire day in sheer underwear heaven! I drove my car and did not have to adjust my pants when I got out. I played with the dog without a thought at to who might be noticing my wadded up panties. I did not even think about wanting to be rid of my panties about half way through the day as I always have. My mind was free to think other thoughts and I no longer had underwear anxiety. Until you are free of underwear anxiety you have no idea how much it plagues you all throughout your day.
I am here to tell you that purchasing your spouse the new Fruit of the Loom underwear will give your relationship more secrets than Victoria could ever imagine. While you may be enticed by a fleeting moment of eye candy, it is a proven fact that a happy spouse is willing to make you happy more often and for a longer period of time. The new Fruit of the Loom underwear will not only make you Start Happy, but you will most definitely end happy too.